I am normal!

I would love for my blog to have thousands of readers and to be able to make money off of it but I know that's probably not in the cards for me. For one, I don't have the time or desire to market it and secondly there's nothing too special about what I write. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being Debbie-downer and saying my blog and life are boring. I love my life and the tiny snippets of it that I share through writing, but most successful blogs have a major underlying theme.

I've put some thought into what my "theme" could be if I wanted to try to be a mass market blogger. I've thought about doing a mommy fitness blog. I do enjoy working out and eating healthy but it's not my whole life. It's a small part of what I do in my day to day life and I am by no means a fitness fanatic. And I like cookies too much. There's also different types of parenting blogs where people chronicle their experiences with different parenting styles such as attachment parenting, parenting special needs children, or permissive parenting (I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom!) I've never really associated myself with any particular parenting style. I've never read a parenting book in my life and pretty much just do what comes naturally. Then there's blogs that focus on one particular part of being a parent such as breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is definitely something very important that I've been able to share with all three of my children. I could write a blog or two about it but I feel like I would run out of material and get repetitive. Also I've breastfed my kids for a year each and then they self weaned, so I'm not the kind of mom to passionately post about extended breastfeeding or post selfies of myself breastfeeding a kindergartner.

When it comes down to it, I just see myself as a normal/regular/boring stay at home mom and wife. But the more I think about it the more I realize that it's only normal because it's my normal. I'm in this life 24/7 so of course it's normal to me. Just because my life is routine and not wild doesn't mean it's boring. I don't have to define myself as only one thing; I don't have to fit inside a one-size-fits-all box. Every person is different. How boring would it be if we were all the same? So I will continue to write a little bit about fitness, parenting my children in whatever way I see fit, breastfeeding, traveling, and whatever else comes up in my stay at home mom journey! I am normal! I'm a normal educated-breastfeeding-babywearing-strollerpushing-fitnessenthusiast-disposablediaperer-notorganicfeeding-traveling (and thousands of other things) mom and wife!

When working out isn't really working out

Last week I dropped my big kids off at school and went straight to the gym with Benjamin. I'm still 5 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and have been working hard to get it off. For the most part I've been consistently going to the gym about 4 times a week. It's so much work getting to the gym by the time I actually start my workout I feel like I should be done. I've left Benny in the Y child watch place twice and both times I was so nervous leaving him that I had really crappy, short workouts. I kept running down to check on him every ten minutes, and he was fine, but after doing this 3 times I just picked him up and snuggled him and left. So last week I got to the gym at about 9 am and was going to attempt to drop him off again and actually get a good workout in. I fed him in the locker room for 15 minutes and then as I was burping him he let out a huge poop that went up his back. I had to change him and change his cute outfit that I had just put on him at home. He was a mess so it took a little while to change him, but around 9:35 we were finally ready to drop him off. I signed him in and the usual feelings of anxiety rushed over me as the millions of kids running around made me nervous. Thankfully they said there was a staff member in the baby room so I could put him in there and not have him touched by the rambunctious 3-year-olds running around. Ideally I like to have Benny sleeping when I drop him off so he can just peacefully rest and nobody has to touch him. I walked into the baby room and told the lady I'd try to rock him for a little bit so he could sleep while I was gone. I stood there for 5 minutes rocking him and it was obvious that he was not going to fall asleep. The lady said he'd be fine if he was awake and she could put him in a swing so I handed him off to her and was about to walk away and FINALLY start my workout when I heard a little baby let out a disgusting cough. I froze in my tracks and a million thoughts went through my head in about a millisecond. "That sounded awful! What if that's whooping cough? Even if it's just a cold I don't want my 3 month old baby to get it. Who would drop off their sick child here? How can anyone leave their kids here? I'm not leaving my baby here!" and just like that I said "Give me my baby back!" The lady looked confused and I apologized and said I don't want my baby around sick kids. I don't think she had even noticed the other baby's cough. I had now been at the gym for over 45 minutes and had not gotten in a single second of working out. I signed Benny out of the child watch and the workers gave me weird looks like I was being dramatic. I was being dramatic and I don't care. I then proceeded to go to my car and cry. I don't really know why I cried, I guess it was the frustration of wanting do something as simple as working out but not being able to leave my baby. And the fact that including driving to the gym it had taken us over an hour just to get ready for a workout that never happened. I took a deep breath and calmed down. It wasn't that big of a deal. It was a beautiful day out and we were right next to a park with walking trails. I put Benny in the stroller and we had a lovely 2 mile walk. Did I get the workout in I was hoping for? No, but a little walk was better than nothing. I decided I don't want to try the y child watch again until Benny is older. Some people can drop their infants off there without a second thought, but I can't. My mom can watch him for me while I go to the gym about 3 times a week and I can workout in the evenings when Luke's home from work. I could also look into working out at home more or start running in the morning while Luke's still home. My baby will only be a baby once and these 5 pounds can wait :-)

Frugal Mama- the cost of motherhood

My first few months home with baby Benjamin have flown by. He will be three months old next week and is doing great! At his 2 month check up he weighed 15 pounds even and was 25 inches long putting him in the 95% for weight and 99% for height. He's such a big little person! He's so strong too, he can already stand on his feet with someone holding his hands and can sit up with a little support.

Having him has made me think a lot about raising Maddie and Will as babies. My circumstances were a lot different when they were babies but ultimately raising a baby has been the same for me now being more settled in life as it was when I was 18 and pretty poor. I often hear people complain that raising a baby is so expensive; I don't know what they are talking about. There's a lot of gadgets out there for babies that you simply don't need and a lot of other things that can be purchased used or borrowed from friends. 

Diapers can be expensive, but if you shop around for sales you can find great deals. Before Benny was born Target had their diapers on sale in the store. There was also a cartwheel coupon for an extra 10% off and if you bought 2 big packs you got a $10 target gift card. I did the math, and I spent about 10 cents a diaper. I also got so many that I haven't had to buy diapers once since Benny's been alive. It boggles my mind when I see people buying tiny packs of Huggies for $10 for 20 diapers. Fifty cents a diaper?! That's ridiculous. Benny wears 6-8 diapers a day so thats .60-.80 cents. Paying 50 cents a diaper puts you in at 3-4 dollars. That's a huge difference that adds up a lot over time. 

Another expensive thing is baby clothes. If you go into the average baby store and pay full price for an outfit it's going to cost you about $20. That same exact outfit is probably sitting in a giant bag of baby clothes that a friend, family member, or acquaintance's baby wore once and outgrew. Babies grow so fast that it would be silly and completely ecologically irresponsible to buy an entire new wardrobe for every baby in the world. Most of Benny's clothes were hand me downs from friends who have little boys. He's such a big boy that he never fit into newborn clothes (except the one outfit that I bought for him to wear home from the hospital that I squeezed him into). He outgrow his 0-3 month clothes at 6 weeks old, and some of his 3-6 month stuff is already getting a little snug. I'm so thankful that I didn't spend hundreds of dollars on clothes that he never would have worn, or only worn once. The stuff he's outgrow is neatly boxed up and waiting for the next friend or family member who has a little boy. 

There's a million gadgets made for babies these days. Some are useful and amazing, some are crap. Some are fine purchased used, some I'd rather get new. Things I bought new for Benny are a travel system, pack n play, and high chair. Things I found used and in good condition are a swing, bouncy seat, and bumbo seat. Most swings and bouncy seats have covers that can come off and be washed and are like new. Babies only use these for a few months anyway. Car seats should be bought new because you never know if it's been in an accident or something. And I preferred to get a new highchair and pack n play because Benny's gonna use them for years. Ultimately it's a personal decision how much you wanna spend on a baby, but it can definitely be done cheaply and not wastefully. Every time me and Benny go somewhere I go over the check list in my head to make sure we have everything we need. But then I think, "Eh, I got my boobs to feed him, everything else is just extra"

Well I had my baby...

Throughout my whole pregnancy I thought my baby boy would come a little bit early. My first two kids were born 11 days early and baby boy was measuring almost a week ahead on an early ultrasound but they didn't change my due date. So in my mind my due date was around November 20th. When that day came and went I started getting very impatient. I had been having contractions for the whole month of November. They were never too painful but always uncomfortable. I had been working out during my pregnancy until I was about 32 weeks and my pelvic pain got so bad it hurt to even walk. On the morning of November 24th as I was blow drying my hair I started crying as I looked at my huge pregnant self in the mirror. I was so anxious and ready to meet my baby boy! I called my OB and changed my 39 week appointment to that day and went in later that afternoon with my mom. I brought my page long list of concerns to show my doctor, and I was really hoping she'd send me right over to the hospital. They did the basic check up and I rolled my eyes when they told me my blood pressure was perfect and everything looked great.She checked me and I was dilated to 3 which was good to hear that I was making a little progress. She said she really thought I would go into labor in the next couple days. I asked about inducing me and she said they like to wait until 41 weeks but she would schedule me for the following week at 40 weeks and 2 days even though she thought I would go into labor on my own before then. Having a final end date on the calendar was such a relief for me.

As soon as it was scheduled, I was suddenly hoping I wouldn't go into labor on my own. I know a lot of people are against the idea of inductions, but for me I like a controlled environment. Since my labor with Madelyn had been so fast I was scared that if I went into labor on my own I could end up having my baby on the way to the hospital or at home. There's that mantra people say "Baby will come when it's ready". How do you know? Babies can keep growing in there until 42 or 43 weeks and end up needing a c section because they get so huge. I felt my baby was ready, but he was just too much of a chiller to come out on his own. On the morning of December 2nd Luke and I got up a little before 6am and got ready to go to the hospital. My lovely sister Katie was staying at our house to watch our big kids and get them ready for school. The drive to the hospital was much less climactic than I had expected it to be. I thought I would have a fast labor and Luke and I would be speeding to the hospital running red lights and I'd be screaming. Instead we were leisurely cruising along the road chatting about the weather. I had a couple contractions in the car but I had been having those for a month. We got to the hospital and calmly checked in at the front desk and then went into the waiting room to wait for my nurse to come get us. It was such a different experience, it was like we were just checking into a hotel or something! Luke snapped a pic of my HUGE 40w2d belly in the waiting room.

My nurse, Karen, came and got us and led us to the labor and delivery room. Once in there I changed into a gown, and got comfortable in bed. She began asking me a million questions about my health history and pregnancy. She hooked me up to the monitors and we heard baby's perfect little heartbeat and saw that I was already having lots of contractions. She asked if they hurt and I was like, "eh I've felt worse". She started my IV and began pitocin. At about 8 am my mom got there to enjoy the show.

After Aunt Katie dropped the big kids off at school she and my dad got to the hospital too and we all just hung out.

At one point one of my doctors (I went to a practice with 5 docs and this guy was probably my second favorite) came in to see how I was doing. He gave me a hug (like he always did at my appointments, he's a really huggy guy) and he told me I could get an epidural whenever I wanted and that he would be back in at about 1:00 to break my water. So when noon rolled around even though I was only in a small amount of pain I asked to get my epidural started before my water was broken. During my labor with William, I was having the same kind of light pain with my contractions until they broke my water, and all heck broke loose. It was the worse pain ever. So if I could avoid feeling large amounts of pain throughout my whole labor, why the heck not? Two doctors came in to do the epidural and unbeknownst to me, one was an intern who had only performed a couple other epidurals in her whole life. I should have known she was an intern, and it's not like it would have made much difference anyway, but I just thought 'cool 2 doctors for the price of one'. Her resident doctor talked her through the whole thing but she had to stick me with that humongous needle twice and the whole process took way longer than I remember it taking with Maddie and Will. Finally it was in place and I began to feel numb from the waist down. They put it on the lowest dose and I kept it on that for the rest of my labor and delivery. I was feeling good, and even though I wasn't supposed to eat, I was sneaking bites of granola bars when my nurse wasn't there.

I did my hair and makeup in the morning as my contractions were getting started. I didn't have a mirror so my mom held up her phone camera for me.

My doctor came back in at around 1:30 and said I was dilated to 4 and it was time to get things rocking and rolling. He broke my water and said he'd be back soon to deliver my baby boy. And so we waited...

Based on my history of fast labors, I expected things to go fast from this point. Unfortunately that was not the case. Only a little bit after my doctor broke my water I started to feel super nauseous.

I wanted my big kids present for their brother's birth so my dad picked them up from school after lunch to bring them to the hospital. They got there at about two and I was so happy to see them.

They gave me some medication to help with the nausea. (That seemed to be their answer for everything, 'more drugs!' Not that I'm complaining, I ♥ modern medicine) Then I felt so exhausted, I just wanted to sleep. I figured that I was tired because my body was doing all this work of labor so I just rested for a little while. Luke's parents got to the hospital to watch the show and we all just relaxed a little more until the nurse checked me again around 4pm. I thought that since a couple hours had gone by I would have made a lot of progress, but unfortunately I was only dilated to about 5 cm and baby boy's head was still really high. My nurse had me lay on my side and put weird pillows between my legs to try to move baby into the right position. I stopped using the epidural and began to really feel some of the contractions. The epi didn't completely wear off so nothing ever really hurt that bad, and I could feel baby's head slide lower into my pelvis. My favorite doctor from the practice began her shift at 6pm and came to check on me first thing. I was dilated to 9! She told me to have them page her when I felt like I needed to push. A half hour went by and I said to my mom that that maybe I needed to push. It's so weird with the epidural, being able to feel everything happening but not feeling any pain, it's really surreal. My dad, Luke's Dad and William left the room and my nurse came in and checked me. Sure enough I was 10 centimeters dilated! But baby's head was still pretty high up. She had me do a practice push and said, "You have a long way to go". My doctor was right there and she came in and got things rolling. I asked her if they had a mirror so I could watch myself push and she had them roll a huge one in. As soon as thy placed that giant thing in front of my open legs I said, "Ew! take it away!" They didn't, and I'm glad because in the next few moments, I got to witness the most amazing thing I have ever seen. As a contraction came on she told me to push as hard as I could, and with that one push I could see my baby's huge head. "Is that really his head?" I asked. With another contraction I pushed again as hard as I could and his head came out and they told me to stop as they suctioned out his nose and mouth. I could see his head sticking out and it was apparent that he had huge shoulders. I was so thankful for that mirror because I could see how hard I needed to push. With my next contraction I pushed as hard as I could and his huge shoulders came out right away and with it the rest of his body. They placed him immediately on my chest and I cried the happiest tears I've ever cried. Holding him for the first time was so amazing. It was such a relief to finally have him in my arms.

I checked to make sure he was still a boy and he definitely was. The doctor said he looked perfect and he really did. She commented that he didn't look that big, about 9 pounds. So in a few minutes when they took him over to the scale to weigh him everyone in the room was shocked when we saw the number. I heard my mom gasp and was like "What's wrong!?" and she said "10 6!" "What?!?! Like 10 pounds and 6 ounces! I told you all I was uncomfortable!" They measured him and he was tall too, 22 1/2 inches. We had no idea that he would be that big. Maddie was 7lbs 7oz and William was 8lbs 2oz. I didn't gain too much weight and I didn't have gestational diabetes. He's just a big boy. They checked his blood sugar right away and it was normal and they continued checking it for 24 hours and it was always normal. After we were both cleaned up I nursed him for the first time. He latched on like a champ, that boy was born to eat. When William and the Grandpas came back in the room William was so sweet when he saw Benny for the first time. I asked him if he thought the baby looked like him and he said, "He just looks like a baby, they all look the same!" The rest of the evening with was so great. Everyone got to hold Benjamin and we began our new lives as a family of five.

Benny instantly felt like the perfect addition to our family. There was never any adjustment period, it was just like he was always meant to be a part of our family. As I'm typing this out, I'm realizing how boring a lot of it sounds. I guess as far as birth stories go, it was pretty routine and uneventful, and I'm so thankful for that. No issues or complications, and my beautiful healthy 10lb 6 oz baby boy came into the world on December 2, 2014 and my family couldn't be happier.

Ramblings of a Pregnant Lady

I'm feeling so hugely pregnant lately! I went to the grocery store yesterday and started walking around and I had NO idea why I went there. I knew I needed a couple groceries but I could not for the life of me remember what they were. Pregnancy brain at its finest. I walked around aimlessly and grabbed some random things. When I was checking out the apples rang up $1.50 a pound when a sign had said they were on sale for $1 a pound. As I told the lady I started crying! Not like balling, but tears welling up in my eyes over the thought of paying 50 cents more for apples. She fixed it and gave me the weirdest look. My hormones are making me so emotional! Later I was sitting at my daughter's gymnastics class and my pregnant nose keeps smelling the stinky little kid next to me. He smelled like dog poop and stale chicken nuggets. I don't think anyone else noticed, and there was nowhere else to sit.

I've been getting a lot of comments from strangers about the size of my belly which is so annoying to me! Back in July when I had a perfectly round little five month pregnant belly a guy at an oil change place asked how far along I was. When I told him five months he said, "Wow! You're gonna have a huge baby!" How could you possibly know that Mr. Oil change man? I just smiled politely and continued reading my People magazine. A couple weeks ago I went to Silverwood Theme Park with the kids, which was fun but I couldn't ride anything so I spent a lot of the day relaxing on a bench while my mom took the kids on rides. For a couple rides, I waited in line with my mom and the kids while receiving death glares from strangers who I'm sure assumed I was about to ride the crazy roller coasters with my 7 month pregnant belly. At one point when I was sitting on a bench a lady asked when I was due and when I told her November her eyes got big, she looked surprised and said "Wow you have a long way to go!" I wanted to say to her "Lady, A. November is not that far away and B. I look awesome!" But I just smiled politely. Another lady grabbed my hand when I was walking around and said "You are a brave lady for being here!" I was a little confused. Brave for coming to Silverwood and walking around all day? Can pregnant people not walk? She probably assumed I was due at any moment and my water could break in the middle of Thunder Canyon. Overall it was a really fun day, and I need to learn how to let the comments from strangers roll off my back. I don't understand why everyone thinks they know exactly how big or small a woman's pregnant body should be. Every woman carries her baby differently and some are bigger than others. I've been a lot healthier this pregnancy than I was with my last so I'm not even as big as I was with William, but I also have 6-8 weeks more to go so if people think I'm big now, oh just you wait! I feel like I have an 8 1/2 or 9 pounder baking in here. Medically, everything is going so great with this pregnancy. I passed my gestational diabetes test with flying colors, my weight gain is right on track, blood pressure, and everything is looking great! I'm looking forward to these last few weeks of my pregnancy and enjoying fall! :-)

Living in the moment

Today was the first day of school for Maddie and William! Miss Madelyn started 3rd grade and William is a big 1st grader. Everything went smoothly this morning and they are sitting in their classrooms right now. But for some reason all day yesterday as I was sharpening boxes of pencils and laying out new outfits I couldn't shake the feeling that I was forgetting to do something, that I was not ready for them to start school. I went over everything in my head a million times. We bought all their school supplies in July and I went over their lists again and sure enough everything was there. I looked at their new clothes. They got new outfits not only from me but from both of their Grandmas as well as new shoes. (William thinks it's so cool that he's a big boy size 1 in shoes now) They have enough new clothes to last them until the end of time. I made sure I had enough groceries to make them healthy lunches, and even though I did I went to the store and bought frivolous food items that I don't usually buy like lunchables and prepackaged fruit so that they can have a "fun" lunch. I even got some waffles so that they can have a "fun" breakfast. (Why do I like to make eating so fun for my kids?) Still the "forgetting something" feeling lingered until I came to the realization that maybe I have all the material things in place and ready to go, but mentally I am just not ready for my babies to grow up.

I know every parent says their kids grow up too fast, but they really do! The time just flies by. It seems like just a few days ago my baby girl was starting kindergarten and my sweet little boy was in Pre-School (Or Pee-tool as he called it with his 'peech impedident). Lately, especially since I've been pregnant, I am trying really hard to live in the moment and enjoy every precious stage with my kids. So often we find ourselves saying "I can't wait until she's a little older so she can be more independent." Or something along those lines, but then as soon as they get a little older and more independent you miss the previous stage and all the little things you used to dread. Even the gross things like wiping their butts. Am I the weirdest mom in the world that I sometimes miss wiping my kid's butts?? With this pregnancy sometimes I'll think "I can't wait until it's over and I have my baby." But I try to stop myself. While obviously it'll be a great day when he's born and I am so excited for it, I really just want to enjoy my pregnancy and revel in every precious moment. As soon as he's out of me I know I will miss the kicks I get constantly throughout the day and my round baby bump that I forget about and knock things over with. I'll even miss some of the unpleasant things like waking up a million times in the night to pee and feeling like I need a crane to get out of bed in the morning. I know when he's an infant and I'm waking up with him in the middle of the night with sore, leaky nipples and a flabby stomach I'll yearn for the day that he sleeps through the night, but as soon as that day comes I'll miss getting up with him and nursing him and smelling his sweet baby smells. It makes me sad when I hear parents complaining about whatever stage their child is in, even though I know I do it too. But I am making it my goal from here on out to live in the moment and enjoy every stage of life my kids are in.

So here are some things I love about my children right now. Madelyn is so sweet and loving. She loves talking to my belly and feeling her baby brother's kicks. She is very independent and can do things like shower all by herself, but I like that sometimes she'll ask "Mama can you start the shower for me and hang out with me while I'm in there? I know I can do it by myself, but I like you keeping me company." So I will gladly start the shower for her and talk to her through the curtain. William is really funny and usually pretty laid back. When shopping for school clothes, every item we showed him and asked if he liked it he said, "Yeah, sure, whatever, great!" He always makes me laugh. He also has a really loving side. He loves to snuggle up with me on the couch and watch movies. He still climbs into our bed in the middle of the night most nights, and I don't mind it, I just snuggle right up to him. Baby number three is doing great. I am 27 weeks and 3 days today. I've been blessed with an easy pregnancy so far. He's measuring big so we'll see if he makes it to his Nov. 30th due date. Maddie and Will were both 11 days early so I'm expecting him to be early as well but, I don't want to get too attached to that idea or I will be going crazy if December comes and he's still not here!

In conclusion, I promise to live in the moment with my children as best as I can! Right now the moment is both my big kids are in school and baby is still on the inside so this Mama's gonna go take a relaxing bath!

Judgmental Much?

I was at the mall today without my kids and a lady cleaning my wedding ring noticed my pregnant belly and said "Oh you look so young to be a mom." My thoughts were, "Lady, you have NO idea..." I didn't bother to mention I had an almost 8-year-old and 6-year-old at home, because why do I need this Zales ring lady to judge me? I wonder if she thought I was older or younger than my 26 years? And if I had told her my actual age would she think that it was an "acceptable" age to become a mother? Everyone has opinions about what age is best to start a family. I've heard people say that you should live your 20s without the responsibility of children so you can "find yourself" and blaa blaa blaa. But then once you hit 30 everyone is like, "When are you gonna start popping out kids? You know your clock is ticking, those eggs won't stay fresh forever." And God forbid you hit 35 without children, you might as well resign to life as an old maid.

I admit that I was younger than is most favorable for becoming a mother when I became pregnant at the tender age of 18. But honestly, not to toot my own horn or anything, I was and continue to be an amazing mother to my children. I breastfed exclusively for a year, and prided myself in the fact that she never had one drop of formula. All of her needs and most of her wants have always been met from day 1. When we decided to have another child when I was only 20 people thought we were so crazy, and yeah maybe we were, but the best thing we could do for our daughter was to give her a sibling to grow up with. Since then my two children have been the most important thing to me in my life. I expected to be judged for my decision to be a young mother, I accepted it and took it all in stride. Some of my greatest driving forces in finishing college and becoming a successful young adult were to prove to people that I could do it despite the fact that I was a young mother. Now after many many bumps in the road I am exactly where I want to be in my life, and Luke and I made the decision to bring another precious person into the world. My experience so far with this pregnancy has been overwhelmingly positive. It feels a lot different being pregnant as a legit young adult than it did as a teen, but all it takes is one comment from a random lady at the mall and I feel like I'm a judged 18 year old all over again.

Moral of the story, people will judge you and make assumptions about your life NO MATTER WHAT, and I shouldn't let it bother me. Maybe the lady meant it as a compliment, and I just look really good? I know I judge people all the time. When I hear about 18 year olds getting pregnant I am the biggest hypocrite in the world. I instantly judge them as making irresponsible life choices. I can't help it, but I should try to heed my own advice and try not to be so judgmental. Everyone is on different life paths, and there is no right or wrong way to live your own life. I'm on the right path for me and I've never been happier :-)